It's safe to say I know a lot about myself. But I can't say that I understand myself a bit. Who can? People who haven't thought twice about it, or people who have worked hard for it. I'm trying to get that work started.
I know that my mind is a very powerful tool. It controls most of the way I experience life and interprets everything according to what I know. I want to keep track of what I know about myself, my past, and my perception of life in order to gain understanding.
I want to know why I feel so scared most of the time and look back to when it first began. I remember viewing life as a beautiful, safe place. But there were many wrong things said and done to me by the people who were supposed to keep me safe. And my ability to accept joy from life weakened from what I was taught about life and about myself. I grew to punish and hate myself as a very young girl, and I struggle with the same bitterness and aggression towards myself today.
Writing is the truest way I've learned to communicate, so I'll be gathering together some of the journal entries I've made over the years and sharing them here, as well as making some interpretations of them as well as updating on my current status. Things will shift from happy to sad, from confused to enlightened, just the way my view does. I will gather what I've written about my sight through the eyes of my peace, fear and creativity and really look at what my mind's capable of projecting.
This is an intimate project and I expect it to affect me greatly.
