The beginning of a project...

So I've decided to do something kind of different with this blog. Different for me, at least. Since I started blogging almost ten years ago, I always wrote my entries with the intention of sharing something comedic or profound with whoever might stumble across the page. You know, interesting stories you'd share with someone who needed to be leveled with or cheered up. But rarely have I been able to conjure up the sincerity I access while writing by hand. When I write in a favorite journal or notebook, I am unable to write from anything but my sincerest integrity. Not caring whether the entry is too long or short, too sad or too naive, I just write to take a handful of emotions and thoughts and put them in front of me. It is my most faithful and true outlet, and I grow overwhelmed without exercising it.

But I grow tired of speaking of present issues. The story I want to tell is a collection of my past perceptions strung together with my present. The same story told three different ways, through the eyes of happiness (innocence), sadness (jadedness), and imagination (what I create from the two). So I'm going to be typing out handwritten entries from three different journals that represent each of the three perceptions of life.

If you read what I write by hand, you look out through my eyes. You see the dynamic of my world. You see my story. And I guess my goal as a writer is to tell my story with as much honesty as I can. Sometimes life is so perfect and beautiful, I feel crushed by the power of it. Often, I feel so lost and defeated I cannot escape the feeling of falling. Life is always changing from light to dark, and it's as though my subconscious is handling the switch and I am amazed and terrified of the light all at once, and find safety in the bitterness of the dark.

So my goal is to get back control of my emotions and mentality, and to document my present and passed struggles as I attempt to achieve that goal. It'll be pretty rocky. But this is something I feel I must do in order to become whole again. To feel the depths of my weakness in order to understand the true power of my mind. I'm basically trying to study and learn to control a roller coaster while riding it. I'm pretty nuts, so this should be fun.

Until next time